okay pat passed out under dana's car
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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