Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
