There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
