dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I cockslap morals
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
