Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
