The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
