i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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