I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
