I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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