i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
