I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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