your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize