You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
