You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
