NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
