We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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