It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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