I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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