I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
