Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
