He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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