Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What drink are we having for lunch?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
