Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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