Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
