remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
