My friends, they love my intelligence
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize