Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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