Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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