Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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