Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
