Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
