morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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