lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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