please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
