I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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