Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
