sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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