he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
