Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize