They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
