i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
