Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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