You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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