Betty ford says i'm here all night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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