We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
