Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
