how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
