he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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