Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Randomize