Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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