My first STD was from a foam party
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
