Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
