I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
