if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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