I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
