Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
