Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
