i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize