respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize