I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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