after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
