I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
