apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
