I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
