I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
