that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
